So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
