if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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