You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
