You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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