what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
whose parrot is this?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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