I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
