My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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