Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
