Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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