Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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