living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
