he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
