Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
