you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
