new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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