Having a random hookup so left but love u
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
