It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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