When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
