Define "chronic" masturbator.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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