If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
