At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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