My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
