Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
