Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
