Me too!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
