I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
