You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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