Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
