we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ate ashes out of my bong
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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