I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
