I heard we made out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
