If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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