I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
