My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
