when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
