woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
