Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
