Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
