3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
