It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he puts the penis in happiness.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
