there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
