I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
