theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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