I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize