i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
