Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i now understand why vodka
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
