Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
