Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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