Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
