I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
