Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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