i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize