I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
