She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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