he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
