So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
