You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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