i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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