Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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