and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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