You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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