Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
