so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
