he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
