I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
