you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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