$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
