Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
