so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
