you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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