You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
