So drunk its hurt
I smell stomach acid.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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