There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
