I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
